*VIA TELEVISED PUBLIC ADDRESS*
“My fellow Americans: today we stand at the door steps of a New Day –and with a New Day comes the promise of a better tomorrow. Each day-on the other side of the coin our nation faced some of the same challenges we’ve faces time and time-battle to battle-again and again and again. I am, of course, referring to our Great Nations’ problems with drugs…
The gangs keep killing, the number of addicts is sharply on the rise, and the tax-payers keep paying for it…for OUR failure to snuff out his time old dilemma. But with the new dawn of today comes a drastic, but, fresh approach to one of America’s greatest battles for the safety and security of our citizens. This bill has been passed in an expedited manor…in accordance with a nearly unheard of UNANIMOUS vote by both the House and Senate for immediate integration of the new strategy.
So as of today-we have legalized the sale off all previously illegal drugs and pharmaceuticals to the public-by designated retail outlets; amongst which currently are: Walgreens, Costco, Wal-Mart, and soon, McDonalds Restaurants. All drugs, regardless of previous pricing, shall be retailed at $0.25 per single dose. The $0.25, pharmaceutical grade dosages will be individually packaged and clearly labeled as to the specific contents, what the expected duration of said dosage will be, what combinations and amounts will result in overdose, and how long after ingestion insanity is expected to begin.
This new policy will almost immediately help effectuate the following changes:
1: the drugs being manufactured, controlled, and taxed by the government will simultaneously stop deaths related to “drug cutting”- a process by which mid- and low- level dealers expand their supply by adding various cheaper substances to a particular batch; and secondly-by means of the profits raised--resolve our previously irresolvable national budgetary deficit.
2: this new legalization will nearly put all street drug dealing gangs out of business overnight--bringing a huge amount of drug-related violence to an end. We’ve anticipated a 98.4% drop in dealer and addict murders.
3: The freedom to abuse drugs by our current using population will both disgust and horrify inexperienced potential new drugs users by the new public display of the depths and depravity and dangers of starting up a drug habit.
This move will, in time, make us a much stronger nation. It will separate the men from the boys…and furthermore-the man of weak will from those of strong constitution…Thank You.
President George W. Bush
-in a dream I had