Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Seals, Perez Hilton and PETA versus little old me

I done and gone and picked a fight with PETA. I was hoping to pick a fight with Perez Hilton. That was my intention. It has been a goal of mine to get into a blog war with Perez for a few months now. I dare him to go and draw a dick on one of my pictures. I double dog dare him. Hey, any publicity is good publicity, right? Bring it Perez, I am ready whenever you are, you coward, you lightweight.

Back to PETA. Here is how it all began. Last night I was zooming around the web, bored, uninspired, in search of fodder, when I ended up on Perez Hilton's site (I am like a June bug, I swear). On his site I found a post where El Perezedente had thrown his support behind PETA and their fight against the Canadian Seal hunt (Perez hearts seals). As a joke I wrote, save the seals from Perez Hilton and PETA. Then I went to bed.

I had forgotten about the whole blessed thing. I figured I had made a bit of a funny before crashing. I didn't think anyone even noticed. Life, being busy as it is, kept me away from the laptop until this afternoon. At first the only reaction I had regarding my seal Tweet was from an anarchist friend on mine, who I think, thought I was condoning the seal hunt. Let me set the record straight I AM NOT PRO-SEAL HUNT. I think it is a horrible program, especially the bit where the Canadian government gets involved. I do not have any problems with the Northern Native communities hunting seal for food and skin, nope that seems only natural to me. As for culls and Environment Canada trying to control populations and ecosystems, well I think that human statistical interference in nature is bound to fail. I am a firm believer in letting nature take its course. If the seals are over consuming cod, so be it, there will be a shortage of cod, the seal population will suffer, their numbers will stabilize.

I tried to explain to my friend that my original Tweet had really nothing to do with the Canadian seal hunt, it was merely a jab at Perez Hilton (rah, rah, rah cause celebre) and PETA (who doesn't like to make fun of PETA?). It was later in the afternoon that I received my first Tweet from PETA. I was giddy. Hurray, I am stirring the pot, I have pissed off the self-righteous. I knew today was gonna be my day.

PETA's opening Tweet went like this (excuses in advance for their spelling and grammar, they are animal rescuers not writers): "What's complex bout bashing baby seals in the head & bludgeoning them 2 death? ANYONE can understand how WRONG that is". To which I responded by sending this link (Thank you CBC) and asking them to educate themselves. They responded by sending me the infamous seal clubbing video from the 1980's. The obviously hadn't read the link I had sent. Seems they have no need for education, because, and I quote: "No need 2 educate myself, I already know that killing animals is NEVER ok! Bottom line: Animals r not ours 2 wear or eat". You see PETA has morality on their side, they are right, everyone else is wrong...excuse me while I fire up the barbecue.

On it went. I told them that I wasn't in the business of dictating moral codes. I told them that I am not pro-seal hunt, that I thought parts of it were barbaric. They reiterated that they are working for a cause greater than themselves. I agreed that animals rights was a noble cause.

I told them in to most gentle way possible that the adults aren't listening. Their cozying up to celebrities and their over-the-top marketing campaigns only work on self-righteous teenagers and college kids. At a grassroots level PETA has had some success, but their larger-than-life public face turns off the powers that be. Hell their public face turns me off and well I am pretty hip, I am as liberal as they come.

PETA if you are listening, get over yourselves. You act like snotty know-it-all teenagers. I am speaking to you as an adult, the gig is up. If you want to sit at the grown-up table and have a grown up conversation about the things that bother you, you are going to have to learn to talk and argue like an adult.

Class dismissed.


  1. Whoooohoooo!!! I'm proud of you Joseph!!

  2. Yeah Joe! You even got ME pickin a fight with them! Good for us!

    (Coincidentally, I directed PETA Tweeter here, but she failed to comment...par for the course I suppose...)

  3. They had it coming. How could I not call them out for hopping into bed with Perez Hilton? I mean really, he is as slutty as they come.

  4. I can't believe you support the seal hunt.

  5. Thank you! I'm glad someone finally said it. I find PETA to be very over the top and think their efforts may be counterproductive. Sometimes I feel like buying a fur just to piss them off (and I don't even like fur!). I have no tolerance for extremists, even those representing "good causes". Hope you sent them the link to this post :-)

  6. Thanks Gale. I didn't send them a link directly, but I think David might have, that sinister bastard. I full expect an attack of naked celebrities. I am actually looking forward to it... come on naked celebs... nothing yet eh? Boo.

  7. Next thing you know you'll be tasting them in front of news cameras!

  8. Been there, done that, I even wore fur. It had to be done the Queen demanded it.

  9. Perez Hilton is a dick head. If anyone out there thinks otherwise, they should go on some strong medication. Either that or go through an exorcism. The guy is scum and is only interested in money.
    He probably doesn't even know what a seal is as his head is stuck so far up his ass.
    Also, I can't stand it when people get behind a cause and preach, all the while, they're complete hypocrites. Does Hilton wear leather? Does he eat steak? Does he eat chicken wings? I'm sure it's a 'yes' to all of the above. Look at him!
    People like him get wrapped up in the whole 'cute animal' thing. Meaning, they don't give a crap about all the cows & chickens that are killed, daily. AND they are killed in a very inhumane way. For instance, some slaughter houses like to throw their chickens into scalding hot water to kill them--it's just easier that way. How do you think the chicken feels? Oh, yes! I forgot; chickens aren't as cute as seals or dolphins.

    As for PETA, I think they use people in the spotlight as much as possible to shed light on animal cruelty. I admire them. However, they sometimes come off as fame whores rather than animal activists.

    I don't like the seal hunting any more than most people. I think it's terrible. However, if people around the world are going to scream about the cruelty, they need to practice what they preach.
    The only preachers out there should be vegans who spend their lives trying to live without eating or wearing ANY animal.

  10. I agree for the most part. Again it's not PETA's cause with which I take offense, it is the sophomoric methods they use to promote that cause.

    As for vegans, sure good on them, they practice what they preach. I am not sure if what they preach holds any logical merit, I see it more as extreme self-righteousness. Humans are omnivores, we devour everything in sight. It's ugly but true.

    I was a vegetarian for close to ten years. I would sit and watch folks eat these wonderful meals, and don't get me wrong, I was well taken care of, I ate wonderful meals myself, but I felt left out. I also grew tired of trying to explain why I didn't eat meat. The whole animals have feelings thing sorta just lost it's glitter after awhile. I out grew it, I wanted a steak damn it!

  11. Good for you! So proud of my little Canadian. Keep fighting the good fight!

  12. I DO love animals for the most part...and not just for their flavor. Animals shouldn't have to suffer for us humans needlessly. However, I would like to see how many PETA members sign up to replace test animals in some cosmetics lab to see if the new shampoo burns their scalp off. Cruel, but a somewhat necessary evil. And for fuck sakes, most all of the wonderful little creatures out there would eat US if it came down to it. There has to be some happy medium. I say-- dogs make excellent pets and friends; anyone who wears fur is obviously confused enough not to see how fucking ugly it usually is; we should respect the fact that animals do have working emotions and pain receptors; and if anyone thinks that cows have a greater place in this world than providing me milk, cheese, and countless savory burgers and steaks their better off heading for greener pastures. Selah.