Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Pumpkin Papers

“A Googling of Obscurities”

By David Hunter

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." ~ George W. Bush

TORONTO -- It is indeed an honor to have the inaugural guest blog here on The National Affairs Desk, or the NAD, for those of you who are into the whole brevity thing. I’m hoping now that I’ve gotten the first few tentative sentences out of the way that this drink teetering in my hand will loosen my tongue, and a point will become a little more evident. Until then I guess I’ll ramble.

The National Affairs Desk is the brainchild of one Joseph Lane who I’ve never met in person, but who trusted me to write this post in his stead. It is an honor, of course. I’m not above (or below) helping someone out, especially if it’s for a noble cause, but it would help if I knew what the hell was going on around here. That’s where you, dear reader, come in to the picture; we need you to argue, scream, yell, rant, and even bark obscenities at us. This way we can codify an ethos here at the NAD, and be better equipped to verbally spank you back in the future. Until then we remain at your mercy, so be kind. I suppose we’ll just have to take our lumps, whatever those lumps may be.

Joseph has professed a love of Hunter S. Thompson, and has adopted the credo “the only good rule is no rule” much in the same vein as my literary hero Edward Abbey; writer, author, self-professed elitist and naturalist whose last wish was to be buried in the desert, in complete disregard for all state and federal burial laws so the buzzards could eat his bones. Quite a set of heroes we’ve adopted, Joseph and I. Ed was an Iconoclast of the first order, and so was Hunter. You could say Joe and I are two peas in a pod as well; we’ll definitely learn something from each other before it’s all said and done. Until then I suspect we’ll fight and fuss, which is only natural between two kindred spirits. As for no rules, I kind of like that; I don’t often truck with rules. It makes the world, and The National Affairs Desk, a much more interesting place to be.

So here is a run-down of stuff floating around in my transom; I won’t rant about the state of health-care (which sometimes can double as an oxymoron) but I will say this; in Canada, if you need it it’s there, but a better tact would be this: don’t get sick, it’s not healthy for you. Politics? Ugh. Politicians? Double ugh; although I did have a love/hate on for Pierre Elliot Trudeau, even though I was too young to understand him or his ways. I still don’t. I can only tell you that a lot of old-timers around here are polarized by him. Half loved him because he stuck his middle finger up to the Canadian terrorist sect the FLQ, or Front de Liberation du Quebec, the other half hate him because he let too many immigrants into Canada. Some feel both ways. I just liked him because he did a pirouette behind the queen of England, and he could string a few well spoken sentences together, plus he did a decent job of not embarrassing us, y’know? Actually being a statesman for our country. Plus Nixon called him an arrogant son-of-a bitch on the Watergate tapes, which makes him a hero in my eyes. Another thing, pop culture; I am a pop culture junkie, old movies, TV shows, writers; if it’s safely dead and obscure chances are I will embrace it. No gossip, no paparazzi-like activity, nothing of the sort. You may have to do some Googling of obscurities while reading any of my posts, which may not be such a bad thing. We may learn something before it’s done.

Well, I hope our supreme commandant Joseph Lane finds this post all good and well, he is a good man, and a talented individual, so I will try my best not to embarrass him, or Canada, or myself.

I pirouette behind you sir!

David Hunter

Note: To all our cousins below the border, I’d like some American thoughts about Canada, if you have any. Take care, and may the good news be yours… (See? Les Nessman. Google it!)


  1. Hurrah, hurray, and happy days. Thank you so much for contributing David. This place has never read so well.

  2. Just wait till Mr. Furr shows up. Then the shit will hit the fan.

    Thanks for letting me loose on your fine website.

  3. Joseph and (cohort) David, nice place you have here! So glad I finally got the chance to stop in!
    I would love to help you out w/ an opposing view, but so far, I don't have one - I'll work on that.
    As for am American view on Canadians...Those Canucks I've met in the 'Land of Twitter' have been warm, friendly, humanistic people with common sense and intelligence.. so you guys are ok in my book. (but I am jealous of your healthcare availability) Its my belief you guys have the best beer and partake of it just freely enough (makes me wish I liked the stuff) and you're not afraid of a bit of snow. When you bring it all together, we're really not that different, are we? *fingers crossed*
    oh and a 'lil something for David - "Boogers".

  4. I like to think of this place as the basement where all the cool kids (or was it the not so cool kids?) hang out.

    Oh and Terri you don't really have to disagree with anything that is written here, just add to the running dialog, that I think is key.

    As for Mr. Furr, he has been conspicuously absent the last few days... either he is working on something HUGE of his own, or Vista ate more of his work. Send him good vibes.

  5. If nothing else, Howard Hesseman gave us one of the greatest television characters of all time; John Caravella, AKA Doctor Johnny Fever.

    "I almost forgot, fellow babies... BOOGER!"

    Thanks for your kind words oh shady lady from Ohio...

  6. I loved the fine doctor, but it was Herb Tarlek that changed fashion forever. Thank you Frank Bonner.

    'Red Wrigglers — the Cadillac of worms!'

  7. You are a fine writer Mr. Hunter, and I'm glad to be contributing material with you. The opening quote says what we've all been thinking: "Thank god some one has finally stood up against the timeless Fish vs. Mankind struggle for peace."