Friday, February 26, 2010

An Olympic Sized Rant

Let me start by saying this; if I hear one more barb, whether it be from a comedic American, a downtrodden Russian, or snot-nosed Brit writing for the Russians, that Canada suffers from an inferiority complex, I will singlehandedly lead an invasion into the offender's home country. There, I said it.

We as Canadians do not have an inferiority complex, far from it, we know we live in the best country on the planet, it's just that our mothers raised us to know better than to belittle the unfortunate. Yes we are polite to a fault. That's why you all love us. And yes we are a humble lot, but we see no advantage in being cocksure and prickish. Sure we are number one, but we tend to let our cousins to the South wear the big foam finger. Hey if it helps stoke their fragile egos, great, times are tough down there, it's the least we can do, they're family and all.

I am not angry with the Americans, far from it, I have grown accustom to their taunting and teasing. It's sibling rivalry is all. Sure, we fight all the time, but that is just the sort of relationship we have. There really isn't much to it, when it is all said and done, we dust ourselves off, share a beer and a burger and laugh it off. God bless America.

As for the Brits, our great grandmother from across the pond. Reminded we are, each and everyday of that archaic relationship, what with her mug on all our money. It's hard to be angry at the British, sure they stink of old world snobbery, sure they sometimes get confused by the fact that they no longer rule the new world, that the British Empire is a thing of the past, but that can probably be chalked up to their age. Senility is a bitch. I am not mad at grandma, nope, but there is this one guy named Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey whom is very British and who wrote something like this: it's he that made my blood boil. Sure there is nothing British about Pravda. Pravda is a propaganda machine for the Russians (I am getting to them). I guess I am just confused first by how a British bloke can lay claim to being an expert on winter sport, and disappointed that a British bloke would feel the need to write such an anti-Canadian piece of shit. I mean I thought we were family bro.

Oh the Russians. I have always had a soft spot for the Russians. Their history and their literature are some of my favorite things. But talk about an inferiority complex. The Russians have never felt quite right in their own skin. These Olympics have done nothing to improve their self-image. Usually an Olympic powerhouse, the Russians are no where near the top of the medal standings. Add to all this that their super-powered hockey team was embarrassed 7-3 by Canada's super-powered hockey team, and whammo, the propaganda machine rumbles to life. These are the same Russians that are hosting the next Winter Olympics, heaven help them if they shit the bed there, like they have in Vancouver. They really don't mean all the nasty things they have been saying about our Olympics. The Russians feel the need to bash our national pride in order to protect their own, I get it. Hell I even forgive the Russians, I wish them all the luck in the world with their games in 4 years. Ya, Canadians are cool like that. So there.

As for the criticism, yes the weather has been sketchy, yes there was a horrible tragedy before the games began, yes their was a technical glitz in the opening ceremonies, but damn it, these have been a great Winter Olympics. Drama all around, amazing performances in each and every discipline. Vancouver and for that matter Canada should be proud. We pulled it off, we rocked these games, don't let anybody, no matter their agenda, tell you any different. Oh Canada!


  1. Screw the naysayers, I say you put on a fantastic Games.

    Of course, that doesn't mean I won't be rooting against you on Sunday.

  2. HA, thanks Daniel. On Sunday we will fight, scratch, taunt and tease but at the end of the day, folks are folks, score be damned. Oh and Go Canada Go!

  3. It seems like these Olympics have awakened up Canada's pride, and showed the world how great the true north is.

    USA/Canada - Brothers (and sisters) in arms!

  4. Oh I have no love for the American hockey teams, they are the enemy, I want nothing more than their complete destruction. We as North Americans can make up later.

  5. Really, you shouldn’t call your Queen a “senile bitch”. It was the last straw for Ben Elton (“She’s a sad old lady in council housing”), a joke the Poms didn’t like. So he told the UK to sod it and handed in his British Passport for good, taking advantage of his marriage to an Aussie and subsequent Australian Citizenship to become a true blue Aussie.
    We may not like the monachy - with any luck by the reign of King Charles IX or whatever - we’ll be a real republic, not a de facto one. Same for you guys; a republic in all but name.
    No for the serious bit; Timothy Bancroft-Hinchey. It doesn’t take much digging to find all the dirt you want or will ever need on that pretentious “I’m a well known musician with many worldwide hits to my name” Briton. He’s a farce, a fraud and, worst of all, a fuckwit. Only Pravda would be stupid enough to print his views. Not even the Putin controlled NTV would touch the venomous fairytales he’d like to sprout, and that’s saying something.
    Rest easy, don’t get all worked up over the useless wanker (Bancroft-Hinchey, not Putin). Have a cup of cocoa and ogle at your wimmin’s ice hockey olympic champion team. Bet you *can* wait for the bikini calendar on ice… *snigger*

  6. Well said Cody, only a fellow Commonwealther albeit one that lives on the opposite side of the planet can truly understand the relationship we have with the Crown. Being Irish affords me a little spit and flame towards the monarchy as

    Oh I have dug a bit Bancroft-Hinchey, and yes he is indeed a wanker of the highest order. As for the ladies of hockey, I love them like they are sisters, but I will respectfully skip any viewing of the bikini calender. Puck bunnies they are not.

  7. That’s why I wrote “Bet you *can* wait for the bikini clad calendar on ice… *snigger*”, Floseph.
    Sigh… Say did you hear about the Irishman, Welshman and Scotsman who walked into a bar? You’d think one of them would have seen it…

  8. Shit and by Cody, I of course meant Toby. It is well past an hour where I can be held to any sort of intellectual standard.

    Seems I'd be the Irishman that walked smack into the bar. Ouch.

  9. Remember that you also have some "southern" friends who often wish they were "northerners" like yourself :-).

    I certainly feel more kinship with the United Kingdom countries that I do with this one most of the time.

    Praise be to Canada and Word Up.

  10. Word. We have a ton of room, especially if you are willing to live outside the over-populated border area. Come on up, I am told we are really quite friendly.